You Can’t Keep a Capsuleer Grounded

Comments   Comments Off   Date Arrow  September 21, 2007 at 4:12pm   User  by Kostantin Mort

The grounded order from my so-called ex-fractionist, blooder doctor has been successfully ignored for a couple of weeks now. I really do wish that she would stop trying to give me non-sensical and annoying orders. Although the prospect of a final death does indeed worry me, the mere thought of being strapped to my chair all day, without being able to be free to fly within the vastness of space, worries me even more. I risk everything by going within the pod, but the feelings of depression that I always seem to get once I step out of the capsule are probably more likely to kill me than some pirate or alliance blob deep within 0.0 space. The whole situation was complicated by the stupid meddling of our most esteemed leader, Director Li, who with her incessant worry over how useful I could be to her corp, decided that a second opinion was required. I can’t say how much I loathe that uncouth whore, but I’m sure that if I had the ability to use my limbs, I would probably strangle her if the opportunity presented itself.

As for the disease itself, I have heard my doctor say that the roots of the disease had been found and indeed, a small paper on my condition was released. Although not overly happy about my details being posted publicly, no mention of me was actually made and therefore there is little point to get angry about it. I am sure that with such progress, a permanent solution to my problem can be found and although my faith in the Lord to rid me of this curse has surely gone, my faith in the ways of medicine has certainly improved.

It is indeed lucky that sometimes I manage to talk to people within Omerta that at least seem coherent and even intelligent. Miss Aria Jenneth especially, which in the last few weeks has managed to make me realise a lot more about myself than I even knew. She sees the world for what it is and indeed is able to judge and assess situations without being blinded by her own set of beliefs and that is something that I quite admire in her. She has certainly managed to make me realise a few facts about my own beliefs that previously I had kept hidden, probably due to shame or idiocy within my part. It could be said to be an epiphany of sorts.

Another beacon of support has been a person that previously I would haven’t had second thoughts of killing. A terrorist, although I use the word more out of habit, called Mori Felding. She visits me often and although some of her views of capsuleer life are quite naive, she is starting to discover what it means to be within a pod and the brutal reality that encapsulates our world, if you will excuse the pun.

With the good also comes the bad, though. A blooder called Leon has been especially annoying lately. I’ll have to make sure that if I get a chance to find him in space, a little “accident” happens with him.

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Entry 006: Exit, stage left.

Comments   Comments Off   Date Arrow  August 24, 2007 at 6:50am   User  by Mebrithiel Ju'wien

This is probably going to be my last entry for a while, unless I’m allowed to retain the ability to update from outside the corporations portals.

I’ve been busy lately, trying to throw myself into every gang I could get involved with where possible. My social schedule has been hectic and with my condition worsening, my studies have been increased several fold. I’ve been informed not to divulge too much on my psychological profile, suffice to say it’s not good. My inner demon is more material than any of the medical records I’ve recovered going back several decades through many factional and corporate databases. The MIO was suprisingly easy to access and their records are extremely detailed. Suffice to say, she’s getting stronger and I’m running out of time.

One light in this encroaching darkness are the scraps of information I’ve been digging up from the Covenant archives and Sani Sabik libraries. It’s not unusual for patients who have gone through severe trauma to develop these conditions and not be in a position to control their split personality. Unfortunately, most cases have been permanently commited and/or terminated due to actions upon the population around them.

Due to the lack of information on pod-pilots, what with the caste only being around properly for the last 4 years, mental health has been disregarded. However, many theories point to pod-pilots facing increasing intensities of trauma due to factors such as the level of genocide in space, the factions and war, constant states of irregular behaviour and sleep patterns, but more importantly, the effects of serial termination and rebirth.

Finally, because of the nature of pod-pilot training, the majority of psychologists believe that the age and circumstances prior to training may increase the chance of psychosis as pilots come out of training. The general trend being that pilots of run-of-the-mill backgrounds are more likely to be dull miners that shun anything less than 0.5 sec space or lower, while a large majority of pilots who lost their parents prior to pod-pilot training end up joining the chaos and constant war of the null sec regions outside the Empires edges.

The thing that worries me is how the carnage seems to satisfy her for a while, but not indefinately. Her constant thirst for bloodshed and ritual sacrifice is rarely completely abated; my thoughts often tend to these alone, without her influence. I’m no angel, but I sometimes feel a saint if I manage to keep her lust in check. This brings me full circle to my first sentence in this update: I’m leaving Omerta.

I don’t know how long, but I’ve looked at this from both emotional and logical angles. Omerta and Exuro Mortis have been suitable treatment for my problem for a long while, but with the intensity of her control and the increased rate of ‘episodes’, I’ve decided that my best form of treatment is to immerse myself in an older passion - Piracy.

When I moved to the Bleak Lands a long time ago, I learnt my trade under some of the greatest names in the field at the time. Hira’razhir was my main mentor and his love of Covenant teachings encouraged me to join his corporation - Blood Inquisition. I started as a pirate, but very soon I was able to voice my understanding of the complex practices of the Covenant and Sani Sabik faith. Pretty soon, the piracy took a back burner. I think it was around the time of Mabnen I’s destruction - the decimation of an entire planets population - that seemed to summon her. My piracy calmed down and she drew me further down the spiral into the occult practices. She seemed to draw power from the rituals and sacrifices, delighting more as the body count rose.

I deduced from this, that I am likely to have more control of her should I dedicate myself to piracy. I thought of my old friends and the like in the field and, although tempted to join many of my former fellow cultists, I decided on chosing the most professional group known to all: Veto.

Ethan Verone has been very helpful and as I write this, I’m finishing tidying up my loose ends and gathering equipment in place to join the corp tomorrow. I feel I won’t miss Omerta as the corp is as much part of me as my own blood, but I will miss the people in the time I’ll be away. Kale and his charm, Yuki and hers, Kyoko and her strong sense of order and compassion… but even more, I’ll be hopefully putting behind me the hurt of losing Nooey.
For those who read this and care, send me a mail wishing me luck. For my enemies, I look forward to the increase of corpses. Don’t worry - I’ll be gentle…
This is Meb, dropping my roles but keeping my robes.

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I Hate Doctors

Comments   Comments Off   Date Arrow  August 4, 2007 at 12:53am   User  by Kostantin Mort

It is indeed an irony that the very people that tried to kill me are now attempting to keep me alive. I have a new doctor, a capsuleer. She used to be in the very same organisation that I so recently tried to destroy, the very same organisation that I fervently and passionately hate. I am talking, of course, of the anarchist, the so called Star Fraction, a group filled with nothing more than rabid idiocy and false hopes. I am not blind to the machinations of this ex anarchist and I know that she is probably out for her own interest, but her concerns about my health are at least professional. I have been giving her a hard time, I have to say, something which has derived me great pleasure. It is funny to watch her squirm as I try to be as difficult as possible, but I guess that in the near future, if her attempts at finding some sort of cure are to succeed, I will need to co-operate. I will have my fun here and there, but I will certainly cut her some slack as well. Although the two meetings I had with her were little more than tests, she seems capable, certainly more so than the fool I had before. She has taken various tissues from me and has requested a full cloning background. This is most unfortunate, since my background is a mish mash of lost clones and lost records. It won’t be easy to piece it together. Procuring corpses from the fractionists will be especially hard, although a few have already been gathered already. Coming into contact with the anarchists in the first is a thing that I will dread. Jonny Damordred has already given up his copy of my past self and quite frankly, the conditions that he asked of me in order to seal the deal were laughable. I am to call him by his proper name now, rather than what he is, nothing more than a filthy anarchist. If that makes him happy, though, so much the better, and I’ll make sure to say his name in the foulest method possible, to show him I still hold him in contempt. If the other anarchists are as easy as him to convince, I should be able to rally the corpses with quite a lot of ease.

Sometimes I start to wonder if all this is really worth it, though. Collaborating with heathens of all kind, all in order to return to the service of God. I had a chance to talk to Admiral Gaven, and he reassured me somewhat, but talks with Sister Laerise and my own doubts have given dark shadows to the things that I before held sacred. It is like the Lord has forsaken me, one of His most trusted and devout servants, enacting this test for no reason but to spite me. I feel like I deserve better from Him, that my life’s work at least entitled me to enact my atonement to the best of my abilities, instead of being strapped to a heathen constructed wheelchair. If this is indeed a test, why do I have to endure so long, so hard. Surely I have showed him my commitment already, simply by being within a pod? If the Lord is fair, why does He allow me to suffer, while heathens and heretics live long, happy lives, unburdened from torment? It is something that I have begun to wonder long and hard, and although my faith is still with the Almighty, the Lord is surely pushing it to the extremes. I can only hope that this will end soon and that these are not machinations from some unknown enemy, to make me lapse into heresy, as Sister Laerise feared.

On another note, now I understand the pleading, desperate tones that she had when we talked in St. Ageroth’s Chapel. Although at first her motivation seemed to be that she wanted me to return to the realm of the Lord, a recent mail sent by her made me aware of the fact that she claims to love me. I can see now why she was nearly in hysterics, wanting me to return. Maybe she was worried about my own spiritual well being, but now I can see that it was merely her love of me that wanted me to return. I can only guess that she was blinded by this love, but this ulterior motivation has only helped me push her away further, for it seems that she wished me to return for her own petty needs rather than my own. What to make further of this, I honestly do not know.

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