Comments   0   Date Arrow  December 13, 2007 at 7:29am   User  by Kyoko Sakoda

I’ve returned home.

I want to say I feel something like relief. Upon setting foot on our old headquarters in Airkio for the first time in… how long has it been… I felt a shiver run down my spine, at any rate. Too long have I searched for answers out in the black. I rode with Rabbits, Snakes, and Angels, and too often I felt out of place. I was a leaf adrift on the wind, being blown any way it pleased, circumstance dictating my every move. Now, once again I’m grounded. The exiles have returned home, with little fanfare I’m sure. Even still, these are my people - Deteis, Achur, and Civire - and I’m so damned glad to be back where I belong.

I’ve long since realized that I’m not quite charismatic enough, or perhaps strong enough, to be an instrument of direct change. The BoF movement was a complete failure, and I had my doubts about the extremes they were willing to go to. I do hope that, over the course of a couple years, I’ll be able to touch other Caldari in such a way that they’ll be able to see what I see in the State, so that they might lead the reform efforts it so desperately needs. I feel much better about working with the Cartel than I did with the Rabbits. I’ve come to the conclusion that the Guristas that would actually care to see change are misled. They are not bad people, but they are working for the wrong organization. Being a part of the Cartel I find doesn’t carry with it the necessarily inimical reactions I got from other Caldari when I was with the Guristas. That’s rather interesting. APEX even shows some interest in the Cartel’s affairs, and I’ve been asked about them several times in the past couple weeks.

I’m not faring too well outside work. I haven’t seen Nemesor in weeks, and I find myself moving further away from him. We got into a fight over my relationship with Aria. (Poor woman, I still feel that I owe her something for the trouble I caused her.) Fuck him, though - I’ll converse and socialize with the people I want to. I’m scared that I might have to call the relationship off if our arguments persist, that is, if I even see him again. I wouldn’t want him to see me the way I’ve been lately, either. More night terrors. Something to do with returning home, I’m sure. It excites me but makes me restless. Pill only works when I take it in risky doses, and of course I don’t want to go too far…

And, from all that I’ve soaked up the past three years, but especially these past few weeks, I’m starting to have my doubts about whether or not my nature is really… no… no, I can’t talk about that…

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