Entry 006: Exit, stage left.

Comments   0   Date Arrow  August 24, 2007 at 6:50am   User  by Mebrithiel Ju'wien

This is probably going to be my last entry for a while, unless I’m allowed to retain the ability to update from outside the corporations portals.

I’ve been busy lately, trying to throw myself into every gang I could get involved with where possible. My social schedule has been hectic and with my condition worsening, my studies have been increased several fold. I’ve been informed not to divulge too much on my psychological profile, suffice to say it’s not good. My inner demon is more material than any of the medical records I’ve recovered going back several decades through many factional and corporate databases. The MIO was suprisingly easy to access and their records are extremely detailed. Suffice to say, she’s getting stronger and I’m running out of time.

One light in this encroaching darkness are the scraps of information I’ve been digging up from the Covenant archives and Sani Sabik libraries. It’s not unusual for patients who have gone through severe trauma to develop these conditions and not be in a position to control their split personality. Unfortunately, most cases have been permanently commited and/or terminated due to actions upon the population around them.

Due to the lack of information on pod-pilots, what with the caste only being around properly for the last 4 years, mental health has been disregarded. However, many theories point to pod-pilots facing increasing intensities of trauma due to factors such as the level of genocide in space, the factions and war, constant states of irregular behaviour and sleep patterns, but more importantly, the effects of serial termination and rebirth.

Finally, because of the nature of pod-pilot training, the majority of psychologists believe that the age and circumstances prior to training may increase the chance of psychosis as pilots come out of training. The general trend being that pilots of run-of-the-mill backgrounds are more likely to be dull miners that shun anything less than 0.5 sec space or lower, while a large majority of pilots who lost their parents prior to pod-pilot training end up joining the chaos and constant war of the null sec regions outside the Empires edges.

The thing that worries me is how the carnage seems to satisfy her for a while, but not indefinately. Her constant thirst for bloodshed and ritual sacrifice is rarely completely abated; my thoughts often tend to these alone, without her influence. I’m no angel, but I sometimes feel a saint if I manage to keep her lust in check. This brings me full circle to my first sentence in this update: I’m leaving Omerta.

I don’t know how long, but I’ve looked at this from both emotional and logical angles. Omerta and Exuro Mortis have been suitable treatment for my problem for a long while, but with the intensity of her control and the increased rate of ‘episodes’, I’ve decided that my best form of treatment is to immerse myself in an older passion - Piracy.

When I moved to the Bleak Lands a long time ago, I learnt my trade under some of the greatest names in the field at the time. Hira’razhir was my main mentor and his love of Covenant teachings encouraged me to join his corporation - Blood Inquisition. I started as a pirate, but very soon I was able to voice my understanding of the complex practices of the Covenant and Sani Sabik faith. Pretty soon, the piracy took a back burner. I think it was around the time of Mabnen I’s destruction - the decimation of an entire planets population - that seemed to summon her. My piracy calmed down and she drew me further down the spiral into the occult practices. She seemed to draw power from the rituals and sacrifices, delighting more as the body count rose.

I deduced from this, that I am likely to have more control of her should I dedicate myself to piracy. I thought of my old friends and the like in the field and, although tempted to join many of my former fellow cultists, I decided on chosing the most professional group known to all: Veto.

Ethan Verone has been very helpful and as I write this, I’m finishing tidying up my loose ends and gathering equipment in place to join the corp tomorrow. I feel I won’t miss Omerta as the corp is as much part of me as my own blood, but I will miss the people in the time I’ll be away. Kale and his charm, Yuki and hers, Kyoko and her strong sense of order and compassion… but even more, I’ll be hopefully putting behind me the hurt of losing Nooey.
For those who read this and care, send me a mail wishing me luck. For my enemies, I look forward to the increase of corpses. Don’t worry - I’ll be gentle…
This is Meb, dropping my roles but keeping my robes.

Tagged   Corporate Life · Personal