I Hate Doctors

Comments   0   Date Arrow  August 4, 2007 at 12:53am   User  by Kostantin Mort

It is indeed an irony that the very people that tried to kill me are now attempting to keep me alive. I have a new doctor, a capsuleer. She used to be in the very same organisation that I so recently tried to destroy, the very same organisation that I fervently and passionately hate. I am talking, of course, of the anarchist, the so called Star Fraction, a group filled with nothing more than rabid idiocy and false hopes. I am not blind to the machinations of this ex anarchist and I know that she is probably out for her own interest, but her concerns about my health are at least professional. I have been giving her a hard time, I have to say, something which has derived me great pleasure. It is funny to watch her squirm as I try to be as difficult as possible, but I guess that in the near future, if her attempts at finding some sort of cure are to succeed, I will need to co-operate. I will have my fun here and there, but I will certainly cut her some slack as well. Although the two meetings I had with her were little more than tests, she seems capable, certainly more so than the fool I had before. She has taken various tissues from me and has requested a full cloning background. This is most unfortunate, since my background is a mish mash of lost clones and lost records. It won’t be easy to piece it together. Procuring corpses from the fractionists will be especially hard, although a few have already been gathered already. Coming into contact with the anarchists in the first is a thing that I will dread. Jonny Damordred has already given up his copy of my past self and quite frankly, the conditions that he asked of me in order to seal the deal were laughable. I am to call him by his proper name now, rather than what he is, nothing more than a filthy anarchist. If that makes him happy, though, so much the better, and I’ll make sure to say his name in the foulest method possible, to show him I still hold him in contempt. If the other anarchists are as easy as him to convince, I should be able to rally the corpses with quite a lot of ease.

Sometimes I start to wonder if all this is really worth it, though. Collaborating with heathens of all kind, all in order to return to the service of God. I had a chance to talk to Admiral Gaven, and he reassured me somewhat, but talks with Sister Laerise and my own doubts have given dark shadows to the things that I before held sacred. It is like the Lord has forsaken me, one of His most trusted and devout servants, enacting this test for no reason but to spite me. I feel like I deserve better from Him, that my life’s work at least entitled me to enact my atonement to the best of my abilities, instead of being strapped to a heathen constructed wheelchair. If this is indeed a test, why do I have to endure so long, so hard. Surely I have showed him my commitment already, simply by being within a pod? If the Lord is fair, why does He allow me to suffer, while heathens and heretics live long, happy lives, unburdened from torment? It is something that I have begun to wonder long and hard, and although my faith is still with the Almighty, the Lord is surely pushing it to the extremes. I can only hope that this will end soon and that these are not machinations from some unknown enemy, to make me lapse into heresy, as Sister Laerise feared.

On another note, now I understand the pleading, desperate tones that she had when we talked in St. Ageroth’s Chapel. Although at first her motivation seemed to be that she wanted me to return to the realm of the Lord, a recent mail sent by her made me aware of the fact that she claims to love me. I can see now why she was nearly in hysterics, wanting me to return. Maybe she was worried about my own spiritual well being, but now I can see that it was merely her love of me that wanted me to return. I can only guess that she was blinded by this love, but this ulterior motivation has only helped me push her away further, for it seems that she wished me to return for her own petty needs rather than my own. What to make further of this, I honestly do not know.

Tagged   Corporate Life · Personal