Entry 004: Psychosis Management

Comments   0   Date Arrow  April 30, 2007 at 3:17pm   User  by Mebrithiel Ju'wien

I’ve just gotten myself profiled. I’m gonna have to show the guys some time, not that they probably don’t already know.

I’ve been researching psychology in a means to better deal with my own issues. She’s been mostly under control and even complient. But with the combat becoming monotonous, she’s starting to harrass me again. “Why always the same idiots to shoot?” “Why aren’t we allowed to pirate?” “When did you become a hired gun?” “Who the fuck are Ishukone?”. That last one has been bugging me a lot. She knows and I know, but she also knows it pushes my buttons to say these things.

We hit them hard. It was a massacre by all means of the word. Four battleships wiped out in about a minute. Thousands and thousands of crew scattered like star dust - most probably dead. I sat there in my pod with her, wrapped in the familiar touch of ectoplasm against my skin, ignoring the elation of my own thousands of little cultists, worshipping me in their positions aboard my Megathron. At that moment, I felt her arms wrapped around me, the warm fuzzy feeling of post-orgasmic pleasure emanating from her. She held me as I came down from the adrenaline rush while my blaster cannons reloaded in a perceived slow motion. She stroked my skin as my drones drifted back to their bay. And she kissed me as we obliterated a loot thief in their Vexor outside the station. She loves the combat, but I don’t think she gives a shit to the meanings behind the fights. She gets off on it while I feel all to often like her little sex slave, pandering to her pleasures.

The problem is that I don’t want to stop. Combat in all its varied forms is the same for me as it is for her. I don’t know if she notices or if she does but is too self-enraptured to care, but I get the same buzz as she. I don’t want to stop, because I’m caught on the hook. I feel her around me and I don’t want it to end. After a while she retreats and I’m left in my pod alone again for a while and I hate it. I think I’m falling in love with her and that’s kinda freaking me out a little, considering she’s part of me.

Then she pleads with me, like a drug-addled Gallente whore, begging for more. And I feel the same needs and I too desire for more. But I’m scared, because if I don’t reign her in, she might take control, but if I don’t satiate her, she might rise in fury and grasp the control I hold…

And then I’ll worry for the others around me I love.

Tagged   Combat Report · Personal